Inside Of The Mind Of The Girl Broken By A Narcissist
The problem with falling in love with a narcissist is that you never know he’s a narcissist until it’s too late. Until you’re already broken.
Another problem with falling in love is the fact that you can’t stop yourself from it. Once that avalanche is launched, you can only sit tight until it stops on its own. So, even if the girl who got broken by a narcissist wanted to stop herself—she couldn’t.
Because narcissists are so good at disguise she had no idea what she was getting herself into. If she did, even though she wasn’t able to stop herself from falling for him, she could at least have stopped herself from giving him a chance. She would’ve stopped herself from giving him a chance and welcoming him into her life. But, unfortunately, she had no idea she was getting herself into the game with a player she couldn’t outplay.
She was the victim of this game she unconsciously started to play with a narcissist. And now, long after it finished, she still lives the consequences of him. Inside her mind is a mess. It’s worse than in the haunted house because she never knows which horrible memory will come to the surface to haunt her.
She sees her tormentor everywhere. She isn’t paranoid, but this is the part you can’t wrap your mind around if you have never been hurt by a narcissist. Everywhere she looks, there is something reminding her of him. Every time someone new approaches her, she looks for traits of her tormentor in that person. And she runs away. She has no strength to stay and prove herself wrong. She’d rather guard her heart.
She is scared to trust anyone. She’d rather not give anyone the benefit of the doubt. That’s something that almost killed her last time. If she had been careful to whom she gave her trust before, she wouldn’t feel the way she feels now. She just can’t make herself trust anyone. Because every time someone gets too close, every time someone gets only one step away from her heart, it starts beating really fast, her hands start shaking at the thought of welcoming someone new in her life and she pulls back.
She is scared to love again. Maybe she saw love as something mesmerizing and maybe once upon a time to love and to be loved was her ultimate goal in life. But not anymore. Because now, love is a feeling associated with pain in her mind. When she loved the last time, she didn’t get love in return, she only got insults, constant bringing downs and plenty of emotional beatings. She forgot how real love feels. The man whom she loved should’ve shown her what love feels like, but he chose to turn into a narcissist and break her instead.
She thinks she isn’t good enough. When you don’t get the love you deserve, when you don’t get the time or appreciation of the one person you need it from the most, this idea that you aren’t good enough gets seeded in your head pretty deep. Not only this, but she was constantly told how she isn’t good enough, how it’s all her fault and how everything bad that happened to her – she asked for it. She had it coming. So she simply can’t shake this feeling she isn’t good enough.
She feels empty. She has no idea what to do next. She has no idea what she feels. The only feeling familiar to her is fear. She is scared of feeling anything so she chose to feel nothing instead. It’s much easier and even though it might be lonely, it’s much safer.
She craves solitude. She doesn’t want to explain herself to others. She doesn’t want to retell or recall of all the bad things that happened to her because no one can wrap their mind around it anyway. They blame her for staying and not leaving They can’t understand why she feels the way she feels for this long and how she can’t just snap out of it. So she isolates herself. But even though loneliness is the only escape she has from people, it’s also very scary. Because when she stays alone all the things that happened to her come at her in waves. And she can’t decide which of these two evils is the lesser evil.
She thinks she lost her old self. She gave up on trying to be the way she used to be, you know, before she welcomed a narcissist in her world. She thinks she’ll never smile again, she’ll never be able to truly be happy and that this, what happened to her, will be something that will follow her till the rest of her life.
But nothing of this needs to stay like this. She doesn’t need to think badly of herself. She doesn’t need to say goodbye to her life or the way she used to be. She needs someone who’ll remind her how living the fullest feels.
She isn’t a lost cause. None of us broken by narcissist are.
She needs someone who’ll show her that she didn’t lose herself. She needs someone who’ll show her that her tormentor didn’t get the best of her. That even though she might be broken, she isn’t bent.
She needs someone to show her she still has a heart and a soul inside. That she can feel. That love is still in her. That she isn’t a lost cause. She needs someone who’ll be good to her. Who’ll show her that even though she had a dark past, she can still have a bright future.
She needs someone who’ll be everything that her narcissist wasn’t. She needs someone who’ll treat her as a priority. Someone who won’t make her feel like the crazy one. She needs someone who’ll understand her. Someone who’ll be there when she needs him. She needs someone who’ll care for her and love her for a change.
She needs someone who’ll erase her past. Even if this seems impossible, she needs someone who’ll try. Someone who’ll love her as if she was never broken, who’ll look at her as if she has no flaws, who’ll choose to love her despite all her imperfections and whose love and support will be so strong that it will make her defy her fear of letting anyone get close to her again.
So, chose to love her the right way. Don’t be another downfall for her. Put your actions where your mouth are. Every girl deserves to be loved the right way. Especially the one broken by a narcissist.