LOVE

I Love You, But You Don’t Deserve Me

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I love you, I do. But I love me more. I gave you everything I had, I tried so hard to help you, hoping that you would stand on your own two feet again. I tried so hard to make you feel loved, hoping that you’d see that you were worthy of it. I tried so hard to show you the man I fell in love with, but now I see that man is long gone. That man somehow got lost along the way and you turned into this man who only takes, but never gives. A man who thinks everyone is out to get him, that he’s the only victim. I love you, but I can’t take this anymore. I can’t keep on being the one who’s always to blame. I can’t keep on being the bad guy when I’m not. I love you, but I love me more.

I love you, but you don’t deserve my tears. How can I stay with you when you’re the one who makes me cry? You are supposed to wipe away the tears from my face, you’re supposed to kiss them away, you’re supposed to keep me from crying. Instead, you’re the one making me cry. You’re the one whose actions break my heart every day. Every time you let me fall asleep alone, every time you let me fall asleep thinking that I’m not enough, every time you let me walk away without coming after me, thinking that I’ll come back. But not anymore.

I love you, but you don’t deserve my devotion. I’m done giving you everything and getting nothing in return. I’m done giving you all of my time, all of my love, all of me, just so I would fix you. I finally know that it’s not up to me to fix you. I’m not supposed to give away parts of me to complete you, I’m not supposed to lose myself so you can find yourself. That’s toxic love and I have had enough of it.

I love you, but you don’t deserve my heart. You don’t deserve my love, and you don’t deserve to share my happiness or my pain. You wouldn’t know how to appreciate it anyway. You never did. You took me for granted, you just kept taking and taking parts of me without even checking on me. You used me as a trash bin, always venting at me, but you never showed interest in helping me. I was broken too, I was sad too. I needed you too. Did you ever care enough to see the pain in my eyes? Was there ever a moment in our relationship when you really saw me? Not the woman who’s here only to help you, but the woman who loved you with all of her heart, the woman who was ready to spend the rest of her life with you? The woman who has her own story, her own past and her own hopes and dreams? Or was I just convenient to have around?

I love you, but you don’t deserve me. You no longer deserve my body, my mind or my soul. You took me for granted, and not once did you fight for me. Not once did you show me that you were ready to commit to me, that you were ready to commit to us. Not once did you make me feel loved, and I don’t deserve that. I deserve more than to be half-loved. I deserve more than to just be there when you need me. I deserve someone who will want me, someone who will want to spend time with me, someone who will want to put a smile on my face. Someone who will want to date me for the rest of our lives, not only because I’m good for him, but because he loves me. I deserve to be loved, and, let’s be honest, you never loved me.