Loving a Man With Trust Issues
You think he’s a truly great guy, but there’s something wrong with the way he treats you? You might be dealing with a man with trust issues. Don’t panic, because this doesn’t mean you’ve already lost him. There’s actually a lot you can do to make him start trusting you. First of all, though, you need to check whether you’re right. See if the following statements match his behavior.
His exes have hurt him badly. Ask your guy about his previous relationships. If he tells you all or most of them ended up in heartbreak, they might be the reason behind his odd behavior. Contrary to what women usually believe, men easily fall in love and it’s actually not that difficult to hurt them. But a troubling romantic past doesn’t necessarily turn you into a person suffering from trust issues. That’s why you need to see it…
He’s still hung up on his previous relationships. Having bad romantic experiences is one thing; obsessing over your breakups is an entirely different matter. Try asking your guy questions that will help you determine how hung up he is in his previous relationships. If he can’t stop thinking about all the bad things that have happened to him, you two have a problem. Especially if he believes he’ll never be loved by a woman.
He’s clingy. Your love interest seems to be completely independent in everything except his relationship with you. Ever since you’ve started dating, he hasn’t left you alone for a minute. He constantly texts, calls every single day and gets upset when you don’t have time for him. If you recognize your guy in descriptions of clingy behavior, it might be that what you’re seeing is a symptom of his trust issues.
He asks a lot of questions about your past. If he has trust issues, your guy won’t stop at being clingy. He’ll want to know everything about you, especially about your previous relationships. It all makes sense since he’ll want to find out how you act when you date someone. It’s his top priority to try to determine whether you’ll end up hurting him, too.
He has trouble opening up to you. Although at times he seems like an overly emotional guy, he’s actually pretty shut off. He’ll compliment you and maybe even do something really sweet for you, but he’ll never tell you how he feels. Until you gain his trust, you won’t be able to have a normal conversation with him about anything serious, at least not when it comes to his feelings.
Are you convinced your love interest has trust issues? Don’t worry, since he’s obviously into you and you can do a lot to help him get over his fears. Here’s how to approach him to gain his trust.
Don’t try to fix him. This is the worst thing you could do to a guy with trust issues. It’s because you’ll only make him feel inadequate or unworthy of you. Instead of being the fixer, focus on giving him all the support he needs. It won’t go unnoticed – he’ll soon start feeling better when you’re together and in time, he might even open up for real.
Make sure you’re worthy of his trust. If he’s a normal guy, chances are his exes really did bad things in their relationships. So you could say he’s being paranoid with good reason. That’s why you should take being his girlfriend very seriously. This doesn’t mean you have to pretend to be someone you’re not. Instead, simply don’t give him reason to doubt your feelings or your intentions. But you’ll need to be very patient as well…
Never show your impatience. Trust issues aren’t something that can be dealt with quickly. Your guy is likely stuck in a loop of self-pity, guilt, and disillusionment with love. No matter how much you care about him, it’ll take him a while to snap out of it. That’s why one of the worst things you can do to him is lost your temper. Although getting impatient is normal in that kind of situation, he’ll see it as a sign of you wanting out of your relationship.
Reassure him whenever necessary. In time, you’ll start talking about his issues. Chances are you’ll have the same conversation over and over again. Your job will be to reassure him each and every time. When he comes to you with yet another paranoid train of thought, just remember he’s still deeply wounded and do your best to let him know you’re there for him.
Know your limits. If you’re going to be a couple, you need to make sure both of you feel good in your relationship. He’ll likely need a lot more attention than you, at least in the beginning. But since you’re a human being with limits to your patience and empathy, you both will have to make sure you haven’t been put under too much pressure.